Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Cabin Pressure Advent Calendar

Inspired by this site, I've been listening to an episode of Cabin Pressure every day since 28th November, so that I'm ready for the final episode ("Z├╝rich") to be broadcast in two parts on 23rd and 24th December (6:30pm, BBC Radio 4).

Of course there are many brilliant lines in each episode, but here are my particular favourites (to be updated each day):

Abu Dhabi

Douglas: Again, I fear you flatter my knowledge of cat pathology.

Boston

Martin: Where's Carolyn?
Douglas: Sharpening her teeth.
Arthur: Brushing.
Douglas: Brushing her teeth. Yes, sorry.
or:
Arthur: I didn’t know you for very long, Mr. Leeman, but I'll always remember you as ... as a shouty man. You loved to shout; shout and smoke – those were your twin passions. And so, in a way, I suppose you died doing what you loved: shouting and smoking, and covered in foam. I don't know if you liked that. You probably didn’t. 

Cremona

Arthur: The thing is, is it unprofessional to tell a passenger that you once made a collage of her face out of pasta shapes?
Douglas: Hmm, I really don’t know.
Arthur: You see, part of me thinks ...
Douglas: Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say "know"? I meant "care". I don’t really care.

Douz

Martin: Right. Well, I've made my point anyway.
Jutteau: You've made it. I 'ave disagreed with it. I'm going to do nothing about it.

Edinburgh

Birling: (To the tune of "Cwm Rhondda") Bread of heaven, bread of heaven, yum yum-yum-yum-yum-yum-yum! Bread of heaven, here I come!

Fitton

Martin: Well, we can sit in the plane, or we can sit in the rain.
Douglas: Can't we sit in the car or sit in a bar?
Martin: Douglas.
Douglas: I'm sorry, I thought we were staging an impromptu tribute to Dr. Seuss.

Gdansk

Carolyn: This is my son Arthur, and I promise you he couldn't hurt a fly...
Arthur: Thanks Mum!
Carolyn: ... because the fly would outwit him.

Helsinki

Carolyn: Oh, my goodness! Well, you certainly have surprised me with a cake.
Douglas: Thought we might.
Carolyn: Perhaps what's most surprising about it is that it's a fishcake.

Ipswich

Martin: I've had one. One is the correct dosage of quiche for the adult human male.

Johannesburg

Douglas: Carolyn, you're really not helping.
Carolyn: I know! I'm not trying to. 

Kuala Lumpur

Carolyn: (Pretending to be a passenger) It means I'm gluten-intolerant.
Arthur: Well, I'll, I'll try not to be too gluten annoying.

Limerick

Martin: Is this the famous Admiral's pie?
Arthur: Yep.
Douglas: The admiral's not a fussy eater, is he?

Molokai

Douglas: You took my Petrus '05, and you ... mulled it?

Newcastle

Martin: (cabin address) So, we should be taking off in ... about an hour.
Carolyn: (shouting from the cabin) Martin! What have you done now?
Martin: (cabin address) So sorry about the delay – which is not, incidentally, because of anything I've done now.

Ottery St Mary

Arthur: Well, I was the one who thought of putting an otter in the fridge!

Paris

Arthur: Can I tell you in my own words?
Douglas: Who else's words had you planned to use? Winston Churchill's?

Qikiqtarjuak

Arthur: Bears! Bears, bears, bears, bears! Polar bears! Look! On the ground.
Douglas: Of all places!

Rotterdam

Douglas: I'm not being childish, but if I can't go to the Grand Prix I'm not being in the film.

St Petersburg

Arthur: Here you are, Skip. Nice hot cup of coffee.
Martin: Oh. (takes a sip) Ugh! It's cold!
Arthur: Nice cup of coffee.
Martin: It's horrible!
Arthur: Cup of coffee.
Martin: I'm not even sure it is coffee.
Arthur: Cup. 

Timbuktu

Douglas: It's been a topsy-turvy sort of Birling Day, hasn't it? We flew away from the rugby; Mr. Birling got soberer and soberer; and Arthur ruined everything with his knowledge and erudition.

Uskerty

Arthur: You know, between the dames and the horses, sometimes I don't even know why I put my hat on.

Vaduz

Herc: I didn't realise you were in such thrall to royalty.
Carolyn: I don't give two hoots for royalty!
Herc: I think you give four or five hoots.
Carolyn: I do not.
Herc: And not just any old hoots: low and reverent hoots, like an owl at a Jubilee.

Wokingham

Arthur: I've brought Boggle, Guess Who?, Connect Four and Kerplunk.
Wendy: Are they ... rappers?

Xinzhou

Arthur: It's not "Have a banana", it's "'ave a banana!" - like the song!
Carolyn: What song?
Arthur: The "'ave a banana!" song. I don't really know it, except for one bit.
Douglas: (sings) Let's all go down the Strand.
Arthur: Are you alright, Douglas?

Yverdon-Les-Bains

Martin: ... but it's not brilliant for anyone else, is it?
Arthur: Oh, don't say that, Skip. The Swiss guys'll get used to you!
or:
Martin: I'm like a capsized duck. 

Zurich (Part 1)

Theresa: Was that the time Martin landed with one engine?
Carolyn: That's right.
Theresa: Yes, he's often told me that story.
Martin: Not that often.
Theresa: Quite often.

Zurich (Part 2)

Arthur: Don't worry Skip - Douglas always saves us. Like remembering the brake pads.
Martin: That was me!
Arthur: Well, yeah, but you were being Douglas. 


OK. Bye.